Colors of the Wind

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January 2017

So…January was…a good month for us here. Let’s see. We rang in the new year with going to bed early. lol Life of a parent. The kids have had quite a few days off this month with this coming Friday off as well. My OBGYN appointment wasn’t very fun especially since I had to take my youngest with me but that’s life. We made it work, screaming and all.

I finally made it out to a convention, DeCONpression. It was a relaxed one and I enjoyed that. I had fun at the party I went to and also watched a game of Battle Tech. Apparently it’s been around forever but I’m just getting into tabletop games so it was nice to find one that I think the kids would enjoy too. As soon as the tax return comes in it will be purchased. I’m not sure if the kids are more excited to play or paint the mechs. lol Plans for Marcon will also be made at that time with the possibility of Origins as well. Those would include the kids so extra planning is needed. SCA is still on my radar but I’m just going with one step at a time. That’s a whole other thing that may or may not include the kids…well most likely will and quite possibly just me and the kids. So there it is.

My youngest started OT and Speech together. So far so good. I’m hoping it just keeps getting better for him here on out even with all the changes going on politically that could have a major impact. It looks like we have a few more things to purchase for him. He’s really doing well with the big button and tries to repeat the word which is huge for him. This Friday should be interesting with having a substitute OT person in for him and the other two siblings along for the ride. On the bright side, they are spending the night at their grandparents so this mama is thrilled for the time off. Whoo!

I’m not sure what February holds in the cards for me but I’m hoping they are good things. I’m really hoping this political mess just stops, highly unlikely but one can hope.

Continue reading January 2017

Bleed It Out

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This past week I had an obgyn appointment. This appointment wasn’t for the usual things. I started to have bleeding problems again. My body does not take well to birth control. I’ve tried the pill. I ended up getting pregnant with my second child on said pill. I tried the shot but I had to get one every 2 months instead of 3 because my body decided it wanted to continuously bleed otherwise. I currently have Mirena. I bled a ton the first year and had to take the pill as well to help stop the bleeding. After a year of that I just have the Mirena currently. Now, with just a few months shy of 3 years I’m having issues again. So I was able to make an appointment but we only discussed a few options and what might be the cause. Of course, my bleeding had stopped that day so I get to make an appointment again during my next cycle so that an ultrasound can be done to make sure everything looks good, specifically no cancerous polyps. So you can imagine how much I’m really not enjoying this. To make matters worse, while mid discussion the room next door had the heartbeat monitor cranked up. I have three kids. They may be a handful but I don’t regret them. I purposely didn’t get my tubes tied with my third c-section. And why I have gone through all of this bleeding hell. I wasn’t ready to call it even though hubby had a vasectomy years ago. So you know, this just sucks all the way around.

I know that he does not want to personally have anymore and I respect that. Does that mean if I am given the option to get my tubes tied I will take it? Probably not. I’m still fairly young. While I think having an abortion would suck I would do it. Yes, the dirty a word and all. I would choose abortion over full term and adoption. That may sound crazy to you but that’s what I can live with. I hate that abortion is such a terrible word in most discussions. You know what is upsetting, that we have starving homeless kids in the US. I find that worse than an abortion. Seriously.

I mean I’m a masochist but for fucksake I could do without some of this at the moment. Kink, I need kink and things. But I can manage. On the bright side, I will be attending my first convention next weekend. It should be fun. I’m not exactly sure how that’s all working out with the kids yet but I’m sure those details will be worked out here in the next week. Yay for doing something new! Now, hopefully I will be able to go to sleep. 💤

2016

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This… this is what I have been telling myself this year. We are all complicated in some way. Life is messy. I’ve got more things I’m afraid of doing than I care to admit. But show up anyway. This year I’ve been happy that I have. I’ve had fun,  felt listened to and cared for this year amongst all the craziness of life. While I wouldn’t say 2016 has been a great year overall, it has had great moments spread throughout. I’ll take all those moments I can get.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays! Hope everyone is enjoying time with their loved ones. It seems like the past few days we have been in full celebration mode. The kids were kept busy by visiting with extended family which turned into going from one house to the other than back home. It worked out rather well.  Maybe this will be a new thing.

With 2017 approaching it’s that time where most of us reflect on the past year. Wow, has it been a year. The first part was filled with hubby starting a new job which switched up some things for us. Things that we used to go to together are now just me attending while I also added some extra time during the week. It’s not the first time for this so I’m not sure if it’s a cycle or just how it will be from now on, only time will tell. He’s taken to online gaming more and hanging out with them. I’ve been able to get the kids out and about more to make more memories with the kids and capture it through photos even if they aren’t always the best quality. We managed the Renaissance Festival, Dublin Irish Festival and hoping to make it out to a SCA event at some point. (a little bit at a time)  Hubby and I are still getting our time, without kids, mixed in with all of this.

Let’s see…

I’ve also shut down a blog. Sometimes I miss that one but sometimes you just need to cut ties to certain things. I’ve tried to get back to one of my other blogs. I just have to remind myself to take baby steps and be okay with not being able to do what I used to with that blog including social media. I’ve started this one and have not posted as much as I have wanted but I’ve been happy with what I have done. There are still things I wish to blog about but they don’t fit into the blogs I currently have so another blog will be added.

I’ve learned to let go of things that are out of my control while focusing on what things I do have control of. I’m still adjusting to being ex-mormon and poly. You would think I would be adjusted by now but trying to let go of all of that baggage is hard. It doesn’t help that over the holiday I had to hear about my shirt because it only had one sleeve instead of two. Gasp! I showed my shoulder. This is the sort of shit I have to deal with and the internal shaming that I have to override from years of hearing it. That’s just the whole appearance of modesty side.

I’ve tried to read more. I’m still nowhere near what I used to do but since my youngest requires constant supervision that leaves when he goes to school for a few hours or bedtime. I’ve recently been catching up on some tv shows and started new ones such as West World and Shadowhunters. Still need to catch up on Stitchers and watch the new Gilmore Girls episodes. I’ve managed to get out to the movies more this year than last year and really enjoyed the ones I did see. While I haven’t made it to any conventions this year I’m hoping to do so in 2017.

This year has definitely been about finding balance. It’s not perfect but it’s getting better.

We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?

– The Doctor

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December : Yule, Santa, Kids School & the Blues

It would seem that December is well underway. The Yule tree is up. The kids even managed to visit Santa at the local library. It was the first time the kids have done so and I even was able to get a picture. The funny part was that you had to go through the bathrooms to get to where Santa was due to the library and the municipal court sharing the same bathroom. I kinda felt like the toilets should be involved to make it like the Ministry of Magic in Harry Potter. How often must you go through the bathroom to get to see Santa?! It definitely made me smile. The rest of the time the kids had fun listening to the music, eating cookies, and enjoying the crafts, mainly my middle child, that they had. My youngest was also really well behaved for how loud it was and how many people there were.

Letters have been written, decorated(glitterized), and sent off to Santa. Almost all the gifts have been obtained.(Thanksfully) I think the only ones left are the books each of them asked for then it is on to wrapping them. I prefer to have them all wrapped before Christmas Eve. It’s hard enough to get them in bed let alone try to wrap gifts with them around.

Unfortunately we are still running into issues with my youngest and the GPS system that we got for him. I did visit for a day as mentioned in the past post but it didn’t go so well. One of the benefits to sending him to a public preschool is to help with social interaction. He’s in his own world for the most part, if you will. I did not see any parallel play, nor being encouraged to do such with the help of an adult. It took two adults to get him to paint which he will occasionally do when his siblings are both doing so at home. So that was discouraging. He did well with 1 on 1 time away from the class but it was for such a short period of time. He sits in a certain chair and I have seen him sit in a basket which I’m trying to break that habit at home as he tries to put baskets on his dinner chair to sit in. It’s not safe and really he can sit just fine and does at home. He eats snack by himself which is different from past years and seems to be alienated from his peers either by his, theirs or a combination of both. It’s sad but there you have it. At this time his GPS has not been sent to school with him due to the hubby and I not wanting to grant anyone at school use of the device and have control during school hours no matter if he is there or not due to being sick. If the school keeps insisting we may buy something different for school hours. (sigh)

He has a speech eval tomorrow so I’m hoping that once that gets going we will see more improvement like we have since he has started OT, at least we’ve noticed improvement at home and day to day things. One more step forward.

Overall things are moving along, even with the school issues. Life rarely is smooth going. I’ve still got books I haven’t got to this year and pictures to put into my journal, and lists to contemplate and make (attended the ending of a class on Polyamory and good points were brought up with an emphasis on various personal lists). The class and discussion are still on my mind but has had to take a back seat when kid issues popped-up. At this point I’m not sure if that’s a blog post for this blog or different one. I’m going to leave you with B.B. King – Lucille & Happy Birthday Blues. I was lucky enough to go see him when I was younger. Sometimes you just got to play the Blues, listen to the instruments talk to each other and let the music move you.

 

‘Tis the Season

It’s officially the time of year where I get to hear about baby jesus and even the remote mention of “christmas” gives family a little hope that I might go back to christianity. (that’s not happening) The past few years I’ve been trying to start some new traditions with the kids. This has been slow going but little changes are being made here and there. I recently requested christmas, hanukkah, yule, and winter solstice books from the library. I’m hoping the kids will find a few new ones that they like that we can add to our collection during this season. I also added in a few behavior books due to the problems mentioned in my last post. It never hurts to read books about better behaviors but after spending today visiting/observing him in class I’m pretty sure we got a bigger problem. He really needs a person dedicated to just him while there. But that’s a whole other post itself and today is not that day. So…

The kids and I were regaled by zombie jesus’ birth at my parents house a few Saturdays ago so I decided to finish How to Train Your Dragon (audiobook) while our yule tree was being decorated. The kids had wanted to put the ornaments on it earlier but a third of the lights on our tree were out so with a little bit of time, a broken bulb found/replaced, several bulbs switched from one place to another and the tree lit up. 😶  The ornaments were hung several on a single branch at a time (It took years to get used to seeing all the ornaments clustered together) while laughing along with the book. All that was left was the tree topper which cannot be found. I have no idea where I packed it away. Thankfully the kids haven’t missed it so I might just decide to replace it with another one. There are a few other things planned or hoping to plan for December but for the most part I’m keeping it low key.

Last Tuesday Afternoon

I’ve taken some time to process the shit storm that happened this past Tuesday. Sadly I was hoping that this one wasn’t going to actually happen but I was, in some ways, already bracing for it. Some background information, both of my sons are autistic. My oldest son had the right teacher for him in preschool and subsequent years. He is now in 1st grade and is keeping up with his classmates. My youngest son hasn’t made the same progress in preschool. The previous teacher that my oldest had left to work for another school but still tutors him, thankfully. Unfortunately the current preschool teachers and current director all came from the first preschool that I pulled my oldest from. It looks like we are having the same problem with them at this school. I would say I’m surprised, but I’m really not. (sigh) Last year he did okay, but this year he is without the extra help because she has college in the morning. Instead of putting my son in the morning to be with her they put him in the afternoon without the extra help. He’s nonverbal and very active. Seriously, that was my first indication things might go wrong this year. This means he cannot tell me how his day went. If kids have been mean to him. If the teachers ignore him. If he feels cared for or even if he is.

This past Tuesday I sat in a meeting with his teacher, the school occupational therapist, and one other. I heard about how my son has been hitting and biting kids and teachers. I have not received a single report home about this. Not One! To add to it, there apparently have been two intervention specialists in to observe his behavior. Yet again, not one note home about it. In their words, once was on his worst day and the other on the best which happened to be after the only OT appointment I have taken him to up at Children’s before school. He usually has OT on his day off, every other Friday. Funny enough, the OT that he gets at Children’s seems to be so much better for him than what he is getting at school, or one can only really conclude that at this point. What really pisses me off is that they want me to sign a paper in order for them to discuss my son with his OT at Children’s to get ideas how to “help” him. Bullshit. The OT at school has a degree it’s not someone elses job to do her job. I get it. She has a whole school system but it is more than his lack of adequate OT at school that is a problem. No, if he is having these behavioral issues it’s already gotten out of hand with no person dedicated to just him I don’t see how it can be corrected there at this point. I can’t even type this without being so upset I’m crying. He’s nonverbal. My baby has been going to school dealing with who knows what. He hasn’t bitten anyone at home, thankfully. He hits occasionally but it’s pretty rare here. It usually only happens when he is really frustrated. If he is doing all that at school chances are he is having a hell of a time at school. It breaks my heart.

I already had a scheduled visit to another school set up thanks to my oldest son’s preschool teacher mentioned above for my youngest. I have no doubt at this point that she heard about my youngest, either way I’m just grateful she is helping. It’s just thinking about changing schools for my youngest has me anticipating some meltdowns. He doesn’t deal with change very well. I’m really not sure how I’m going to keep sending him to school until I find something else. So I’m hoping that the visit this coming week will go well. If not that somehow we will be able to find the right one or solution for my youngest.

So important. #autism:

Busy Weekend, Busy Monday

This past weekend was a busy one. I think it seemed busier to me since I lacked sleep for most of it. It happened to be the weekend that two groups that I am part of had parties, mix that with taking care of children and cleaning parts of the apartment 😱, let’s just say I’m glad that this does not happen for me every weekend. Although, getting up both mornings this weekend to deal with the kids, it was still worth it. ♥😊

This week has already started off different. Instead of my youngest going to OT on Friday, she was able to move him to today, since she took that day off which was awesome because he loves OT, especially all the swings that we don’t have. I’ve looked at possibly getting something that installs in the door frame but he really likes to swing and spin. He comes by the honestly. 😉 Let’s just say he would hit the door frame constantly. I’ve looked at various tripods and such, but the stability just isn’t there or he would run into the polls while trying to spin. So a hard point(s) it is, but it will have to wait until we get into a different place.

After OT we usually run errands or just chill because that’s his day off preschool, so when he had to get ready for school and on the bus he wasn’t so sure about that. Pushing through a few tears and whining, off to school he went. I can tell he had a busy day full of sensory things as he passed out within 15 mins of being put to bed. It usually takes him a little while to calm down and pass out. Nope, not so tonight. 💤

Of course the older two managed to clean and vacuum their rooms today, even if they complained while they did. I learned that Netflix remade the Popples show, who knew? Also listened to Dork Diaries for a bit with my daughter. It’s funny because I would have never thought my children would read books like me (several at once) but we are listening to Brave and How to Train Your Dragon while in the car, then they have other chapter books they read/listen to every evening. I think it’s pretty cool but I’ve also found out that listening to the books on CD makes me sleepy. I guess you can say there is something soothing about being read to.

The rest of the week looks to be busy for me but relaxing for the kids with only 2 days of school this week. Thanksgiving plans sort of, kinda made for staying home on Thursday with taking the kids to my parents for a bit on black Friday, no shopping for me that day. Here’s to hoping this holiday will be a bit more relaxed, fewer upsets, more food consumed (less chasing the youngest while food is warm), and me not losing my mind or sleep due to the change in routine.

 

Autism:

It’s been one of those days

I can’t believe it’s already November 16th. A fair amount of Halloween decorations are still up which some of them could pass for Thanksgiving at least that’s what I keep telling myself. We still have some pumpkins, so you know….  Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a single room that is clean here and tons of dishes are piled up. (sigh) I spent about 15 mins on the computer this morning to find that my youngest had completely emptied the water container out in the fridge. I took it as an opportunity to clean out the fridge because everything needed taken out and dried off anyway, thus the overflow of dirty dishes. 😢 This in turn means I now have more trash bags to take out and, oh yeah, I started in on going through all the boys clothes to see what doesn’t fit anymore. I’m sure that our normal clearing out of some toys in preparation for Santa will be next on my things to do. Did I mention I had to get a new phone so I lost all my contacts and pictures? To add to all of this hubby’s Grandmother passed away Monday, or that’s when we were told about it. I’ve met her a few times, the kids have not but kept asking if it was their Grandma which then started a whole new conversation explaining that it was their Great Grandma.

I decided it was a Harry Potter movie sort of day . Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, it was. I tried Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone but the only copy I could find had a crack in it. Luckily it was not my special edition with the extended scenes. Yes, I own several copies of the first few movies in this series. The kids have been watching them since they were little. They are usually a must on rainy days or when they aren’t feeling well. I think it’s about time to reread them too.

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are far more than our abilities.” -Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Seriously…

Another funny quote. My cousin and I were just talking about it  -Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: