Bleed It Out

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This past week I had an obgyn appointment. This appointment wasn’t for the usual things. I started to have bleeding problems again. My body does not take well to birth control. I’ve tried the pill. I ended up getting pregnant with my second child on said pill. I tried the shot but I had to get one every 2 months instead of 3 because my body decided it wanted to continuously bleed otherwise. I currently have Mirena. I bled a ton the first year and had to take the pill as well to help stop the bleeding. After a year of that I just have the Mirena currently. Now, with just a few months shy of 3 years I’m having issues again. So I was able to make an appointment but we only discussed a few options and what might be the cause. Of course, my bleeding had stopped that day so I get to make an appointment again during my next cycle so that an ultrasound can be done to make sure everything looks good, specifically no cancerous polyps. So you can imagine how much I’m really not enjoying this. To make matters worse, while mid discussion the room next door had the heartbeat monitor cranked up. I have three kids. They may be a handful but I don’t regret them. I purposely didn’t get my tubes tied with my third c-section. And why I have gone through all of this bleeding hell. I wasn’t ready to call it even though hubby had a vasectomy years ago. So you know, this just sucks all the way around.

I know that he does not want to personally have anymore and I respect that. Does that mean if I am given the option to get my tubes tied I will take it? Probably not. I’m still fairly young. While I think having an abortion would suck I would do it. Yes, the dirty a word and all. I would choose abortion over full term and adoption. That may sound crazy to you but that’s what I can live with. I hate that abortion is such a terrible word in most discussions. You know what is upsetting, that we have starving homeless kids in the US. I find that worse than an abortion. Seriously.

I mean I’m a masochist but for fucksake I could do without some of this at the moment. Kink, I need kink and things. But I can manage. On the bright side, I will be attending my first convention next weekend. It should be fun. I’m not exactly sure how that’s all working out with the kids yet but I’m sure those details will be worked out here in the next week. Yay for doing something new! Now, hopefully I will be able to go to sleep. 💤

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